and other stories by Jonathan Griffiths

Intro to Eden

Dr Douglas Winchcombe was a dreamer. He was last seen on planet Earth on the 29th of August 2018. Some considered him a genius – one of the finest scientific minds in Australia, if not the world, though he’d published remarkably few papers. Others considered him a clueless nerd, totally devoid of social skills, a caricature of the absent-minded professor. Most people didn’t consider him at all. But on Eden, despite his reluctance, he was practically God.

It Grows on Trees

My name is Nelson.  Nelson Eric Kidman.  Nelson is the place I was conceived.  Eric is an uncle who drowned thirty-eight years before I was born and Kidman is the name of a grandfather I’ve never met.  He ran off when Dad was only a few days old.  That’s a hell of a lot of history for an eleven year old to carry around.

SAD JOKES

Have you ever noticed that jokes are always funny? Well, they’re meant to be. Why don’t we have sad jokes? I’m serious. There’s a standard format for all jokes: there’s a set-up – or story – then there’s the punch line – which is funny. Why don’t we have punch lines which are profound, poignant and a little sad?

Like, there’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a bar and the barman says, ‘My father used to beat me. But abusive childhoods are quite common in the hospitality industry.’

It’s just an idea.

No, it’s really just another way to deflect attention from my life gurgling down the plug hole.

an excerpt from The Road Behind