Excerpts From The Bits that Didn’t Fit

It Grows on Trees

My name is Nelson.  Nelson Eric Kidman.  Nelson is the place I was conceived.  Eric is an uncle who drowned thirty-eight years before I was born and Kidman is the name of a grandfather I’ve never met.  He ran off when Dad was only a few days old.  That’s a hell of a lot of history for an eleven year old to carry around.

SAD JOKES

Have you ever noticed that jokes are always funny? Well, they’re meant to be. Why don’t we have sad jokes? I’m serious. There’s a standard format for all jokes: there’s a set-up – or story – then there’s the punch line – which is funny. Why don’t we have punch lines which are profound, poignant and a little sad?

Like, there’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a bar and the barman says, ‘My father used to beat me. But abusive childhoods are quite common in the hospitality industry.’

It’s just an idea.

No, it’s really just another way to deflect attention from my life gurgling down the plug hole.

an excerpt from The Road Behind

Sex

“At the lights at Boundary Street, she moved to the front seat so I could massage her spine. I started at her neck. By Mona Vale Road, I’d reached the small of her back and was feeling a stirring in my loins. ‘That’s not too hard is it?’ I asked. She shook her head.
By Telegraph Road, I’d reached her coccyx and was headed for territory beyond the jurisdiction of the Chiropractic Society. My fingers slid between her buttocks as we turned off the Highway. She unzipped my fly and opened her mouth.
‘I always wondered why this road was called Bobbin Head,’ I said. She replied but I didn’t catch the words. I dropped her off, thinking maybe I’d gone too far – but it was only by a few metres.”
Excerpt from Going Places – THE BITS THAT DIDN’T FIT

Sign up to the Newsletter and get the latest news





We respect your privacy and will never divulge your email address to 3rd parties. We are totally against spam in all forms. Especially the tinned meat.

Recent Posts

Eden to be launched at Willy Lit Fest: Saturday 16th June

Eden will be launched at 5.00pm to 6.00pm on Saturday 16th June in the old Council Chamber at Williamstown Town Hall, as part of the Willy Lit Fest. … [Read More...]

Coming Soon: Eden

Dr Douglas Winchcombe was a dreamer. He was last seen on planet Earth on the 29th of August 2018. Some considered him a genius – one of the finest scientific minds in Australia, if not the world, though he’d published remarkably few papers. Others considered him a clueless nerd, totally devoid of social skills, a caricature of the absent-minded professor. Most people didn’t consider him at all. … [Read More...]

Something to Look Forward to

I fear that I'll grow old one day Lose contact with my youth I'll have to be responsible And even tell the truth My kids will think I'm senile And women think I'm spent My memory shot to buggery My body worn and bent My sense of purpose wilted My libido like a slug I'll be plugged into machinery Too weak to pull the plug … [Read More...]

Synopsis: Eden

Set in the immediate future, and told from multiple points of view, Eden is an escapist fantasy, a commentary on planet Earth’s woes and a crime thriller. Doug Winchcombe, a brilliant but chronically introverted, physicist discovers a gateway to another planet. A perfect world he names Eden. He returns to Eden daily, amazed by its wonders and content in its tranquillity. But a perfect world … [Read More...]

Reviews

Age Review by Cameron Woodhead

Cameron Woodhead reviews the book in the Melbourne Age Saturday 30th October 2010.   … [Read More...]

Review by Gillian D.

I got my copy on a Saturday afternoon and had finished it by Sunday afternoon. I read long into the night taking only meal and coffee breaks, such was … [Read More...]

an edited version of Raewyn Alexander’s review of the book

The Road Behind - (Punk just Sucks Now) an edited version of Raewyn Alexander’s review – full review available at: … [Read More...]

More Posts from this Category